yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
