Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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