I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
