i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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