I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
