If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
