well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
