whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
