I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
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If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
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I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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