bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Every concussion has its silver lining
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Randomize
