Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
