this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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