I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
