Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
