i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Fuck me I smell like cheese
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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