I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
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