I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
This house was built for laser tag.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
