R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
