happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
