That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
