there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
did i just pee glitter
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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