i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
