This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
