Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
