I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
