Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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