Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
