phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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