Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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