Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
