He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
ok first of all what the fuck
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