ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
