Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize