he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
