Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
