Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
