Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I love having hate sex.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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