I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
