how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
