The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
