"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
