you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
