sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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