I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
worst night to have a conscience
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
