omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
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