she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
