my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
