There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
