I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You are a genius and a whore.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
