Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
How did I end up in the pool?!
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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