Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
