so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
