Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
