Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize