so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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