You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
