They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
