dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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