A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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