He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
