So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
