Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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