Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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