i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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