I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
