she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
