i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
