it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
