I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
