We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
